Some people may look at this post and say, “Why on earth is she comparing her kid to a dog?!” Well, I’m not comparing him to a dog, I’m just stating ways that my little one and a dog are very similar. I will add more to this list whenever I notice more similarities.
- The toilet. Eventually your little one will discover that his home has toilets in it. All bets are off. No matter how hard you try to keep him away from the toilet, he will manage to play in it at least once a day.
- Curtains. Curtains may and MUST be attacked without warning and at all costs. Curtains are the enemy. Apparently, you also must make noise when attacking curtains (it does not matter if it’s a growling noise or an explosion-like noise). You then have to turn around and give your mommy the widest and sweetest smile you have ever given her. This is essential so that she won’t be upset anymore.
- Clapping. Like a dog, your little boy will come to you if you clap your hands and say, “Come here, honey! Come here!” Of course, it helps to say this in a sweet voice. After spending too much time trying to coax dogs to come to me, I had an epiphany. Thus, calling my son like a puppy was born. Hey, whatever works.
- Fetch. I know this must be the same for girls as well, but I only have experience with boys. If you throw your baby boy’s favorite toy, he will fetch it. Sometimes he will also bring this back.
- Chewing. On furniture. On television remotes. On plates. On pillows. Lots of pillows. Teeth marks will show up in the most random places ever. Including (and my boy’s favorite) window blinds.
- Energy. Much like a young dog, baby boys never stop moving until it’s naptime or bedtime. Even when you’re trying to put them to bed, they try to hold out like none other. Boys never stop moving. I hear it only gets worse (yay for me…not :p).
- Destruction. Things will get destroyed. Much like you try to keep your valuables out of your dogs reach, your baby boy will also destroy them. Whether it’s ripping apart a once-very-nice necklace or ripping mail into oblivion, things that you need or really want will inevitably go to the great big dumpster in the sky.
- Messes. Young dogs will occasionally hold vendettas against you when you aren’t paying enough attention them. A boxer we once had thought my husband and I weren’t paying enough attention to him. My husband ended up with his combat boots chewed up and I ended up with a newly purchased comforter being peed on literally behind my back. Boys will pull everything out of the cabinets, drawers, and shelves and put them all over the floor. Unlike some dogs, there doesn’t have to be any reason for your little one to do this, except that he is simply a boy.
- A tendency to do dangerous things. Much like how dogs love to chew on active wires, baby boys love to chew on them as well as try to pull them out of the socket. No matter how many time outs you give your little boy, he will still try to rip them out of the wall. Joy.
- Squeaky toys. Squeaky toys are an instant mute button. When a dog hears his squeaky toy, he pauses, looks around, perks his ears, and then lunges for said toy. Baby boys love squeaky toys as well, especially in rubber ducky form. For instance, I was giving my lovely little booger a bath the other day and he was playing with his rubber ducky as usual. He was seated while I was finishing scrubbing his back and he accidently let go of his rubber ducky. The kid dove head first to rescue his beloved toy, scaring the crap out of me and drenching me in the process. All ended well. He was fine and the large rubber ducky didn’t go down the drain. Also, like a dog, you do not try to take the squeaky toy away. Incessant barking, or crying, may result if you try to take it away.
- Kitchen towels. This goes back to the chewing bullet. Kitchen towels hanging on the door of the oven are always free game. Those towels are no longer for mommy to dry her hands or mop up a mess in the kitchen. Oh no. They are meant to be torn off the handle and scoured all over the kitchen floor. It’s common sense. My kid even looks at me like, “Um, Mom, those are mine. Why do you keep hanging them up?”
- No more sacred bathroom time for mommy. Whether you are trying to take a much needed relaxing bath or just trying to do your buisness on the royal throne, bathroom time is no longer sacred. A dog will either seek you out and stare at you while you are in there or sit by the closed and locked door and whine until you come out. Baby boys are pretty much the same, except for whining. They like to either climb up the door and bang on it or stick their tiny little hands under the door (totally freaking the crap out of you-well, at least it’ll help you if you’ve been constipated). If the door is shut and locked and Daddy is home, have no fear boys and dogs! Daddy will ultimately unlock the door from the outside and laugh at you as everyone stares at you. Never mind that the door was locked for a REASON. BABE.
- Meal times. I seriously feel like I should be wearing a HAZMAT suit or something during food time. A previous dog of ours would chew so hard that half of his food would end up on the floor. He wouldn’t eat whatever was on the floor, apparently it was too dirty for him then. Most babies are similar. I haven’t ever heard of a feeding for babies being clean. From spitting the contents of the bottle out the side of his mouth to taking the baby spoon out of my hands, while it was compeletely filled with food, and smashing it all over the place, meal times are extremely messy. What’s up with that? It would be nice to have one meal where I don’t break out my cleaning bucket. Deep down I know that will never happen, but I like to keep my false hopes.
- Shoes. Both dogs and babies love them. ‘Nuff said.
- Daddy. It is no awesome thing when mommy comes home from the store. Both our former dog and our son are just like, “Eh, whatever. I see you all the time.” But when Daddy comes home from work it’s like, “Ohmygoshit’sbeenabajillionyears! I’ve missed you! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” What am I, chopped liver? No, if I was, I would have garnered more attnetion from the dog. I’m like the piece of kibble he chewed out of the bowl and wouldn’t eat.
How about your experiences? Do you find some of the same similarities with your kid(s)?