13 Forbidden Things and 5 Revelations

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Here is a quick list of things that you are forbidden to do as a mom:

  1. Talk on the phone. Sure, you may be on the phone with the airline company about an upcoming trip, but who cares? Let everyone in the house try to talk to you when you can already barely hear the attendant on the phone. Then they look at you like, “What’s your problem?” Really? People wonder why I don’t talk on the phone very often.
  2. Have a clean house. As soon as you clean something it gets torn up. What is the purpose of this cleaning if it looks the exact same way by bedtime? I have yet to figure this out.
  3. Privacy bathing. Privacy? Yeah, right.
  4. Privacy on the swirly throne a.k.a. the toilet. This one could have its rewards. If the family just has to see you making poo poo, then they can smell how well it’s going. The door was locked for a reason.
  5. Quick and clean mealtimes. Since the baby likes to wave his hand in front of the spoon and spit out food, a hazmat suit may be required. Why do feedings have to be so difficult? Why can’t the baby just sit there and let you feed him and get it over with.
  6. T.V. time. Apparently watching your T.V. show in relative silence is a denied request. Just wait until everyone’s asleep if you want to watch T.V. without people interrupting you.
  7. Walk around your home without a kid attached to your leg. Eh, you learn to walk with them on you.
  8. Hang kitchen towels on the oven door. The baby/toddler will start to grab them off the oven door as soon as he is able to scoot across the floor.
  9. Wear house shoes. The toddler will be attracted to them. It is inevitable. Regular shoes are the same way.
  10. Sleep without waking up multiple times a night. I know you can’t get comfortable when you’re pregnant, but still try to sleep as much as you can. Once the baby or babies come into the picture, you will never have a completely restful night’s rest for a very long time…if ever.
  11. Intact window blinds. I miss intact window blinds. They are a thing of the past.
  12. Clean windows/mirrors. Tiny little hand prints will be all over windows your child can reach. There will also be nose prints from Daddy playing with the little one through the window. This especially happens right after you clean them.
  13. Clean clothes. I don’t care if you just washed your clothes and put them on – a stain will appear in T minus 2 minutes and 37 seconds.

Here are 5 thoughts on babies, pregnancy, and motherhood:

  1. Judging. Don’t judge another mother that walks around with food, formula, breast milk, and/or spit-up stains on her clothes. You will have these stains very soon, don’t worry. Oh, and half the time you won’t know how those stains were possible.
  2. Alone time. Alone time will be virtually non-existent once you have your baby. Take alone time when you can get it. Even though you don’t think not being alone will affect you, it will. Your mood will show it.
  3. Stress. Babies do bring lots of joy (hang in there, you’ll see), but stress is going to come with the territory. If you get to the point of having a breakdown over being a new mom, tell someone. Lay the baby in the crib and walk away. Go outside for a couple of minutes for a breather. Call a friend to see if she can watch the baby for an hour or two so you can collect yourself. It’s normal to get stressed out, but find a healthy way to relieve the stress.
  4. Jealousy. You hear of mothers just saying what perfect angels their children are and how everything in their life is so awesome with their newborn. Well, they’re lying. At least partly. Nothing is all unicorns and rainbows with a newborn. You are thankful for your little one and can’t imagine life without him, but you have awful moments, too. My husband has to remind me every so often that those mothers out there that say their babies don’t ever cry and are perfectly well-behaved are lying and are going through the same things that I am. Those mothers have their moments, too.
  5. Underappreciated. The life of a mom is underappreciated. Note: I didn’t say unappreciated. You do get thanks, but maybe not as often as you deserve. Don’t let it weigh you down and take it out on your husband. Husbands, bringing home flowers, or even just one flower, isn’t that difficult. It is appreciated more than you know.

What would you add to either of these lists?

 

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