9 Things I Would Have Never Thought Before Becoming a Mom

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Listed below is..well um…a list…of things I would never have thought before becoming a mom:

  1. How much an extra 5 minutes of sleep is really worth. An extra 5 minutes of sleep means the difference between waking up with birds chirping, the sun shining brightly and nicely through the curtains, and hearing pleasant music as you stretch (you know, the kind of music on Looney Tunes when someone wakes up) as opposed to barely making it to the royal swirly throne because you are stumbling all over the place trying to wake yourself up, rushing to the kitchen to get your child’s breakfast ready to get him to stop crying, and trying to be all smiley and crap when your husband gets home. There is a MAJOR difference, trust me.
  2. How awesome it would be if your baby would just forgo the temper tantrum for one day. There is only so much a person can take of her baby throwing a fit over not being able to chew on and play with cords before it becomes really old really fast.
  3. The mom look is powerful. You know that look a mom gets when you’re doing something wrong and she either hasn’t yet or can’t say something to you? Yeah, that look works even on babies (it worked on my son last night). It makes you feel like, “I am Mommy! Hear me roar!” Rawr.
  4. That it was possible to take privacy in the bathroom for granted. It’s true. I have written about this before, but there is a little more to it. Sure, you think that you can give them payback from the smell when you are making poopy and they break in, but no. Oh no. You’re like, “Smell my poopy and tremble! I said TREMBLE! Not keep coming in, examine the tub, grab my leg, and smile!”
  5. That going to a doctor’s appointment would be a vacation. It is a vacation. I hate going to the doctor, but if my husband can watch him while I go or I can put him in daycare for that amount of time, then it is a vacation. Mommy can go somewhere without a little munchkin attached to her! Let’s have a party!
  6. I never thought, in a million years, that I would make up rhymes and sing them to my son to get him to eat, to take a bath, and to go to bed. These will never be heard by another person’s ears as long as I live! I hope.
  7. How much a person would go through to keep him from crying. From carrying him around on your stomach all day and night to running the dryer without clothes in it to letting him gnaw on your hand when he was teething, you would do just about anything (within reason) to stop that crying. Especially when he’s been crying for over 3 hours without a break. (Note to self: If another baby comes along buy ear plugs so you don’t have to hear the crying of the newborn while you walk him all over your home on your belly. Don’t get cheap ones either, get some really big and nice Bose headphones, and be sure to keep the Traitor in your sights at all times. Yes, I am extremely specific, but you need to be specific when that mom brain comes on.)
  8. That Mom brain is real. No, seriously, it IS real. You can only focus on making sure everything is right for your baby that you can’t remember if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean and you try to store your clothes in the pantry because it has shelves. Eh, stuff happens.
  9. That window blinds wouldn’t even be targeted by the dog, but would be by the baby. So long, intact window blinds. I knew thee well.

What are some things that you never thought you would do before becoming a mom?

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