Parenthood Makes You Old

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Married life changes you. A lot of people don’t know or realize that, but it does. Parenthood changes you, perhaps even more. I’ve found that I’m not the same, somewhat chill person I used to be. Not at all. Now, I’m a major worry wort and feel like I have to be a parent to my husband and son both at times. I hear this is similar in most marriages. My husband can barely stay up past 10:00 P.M. now, he used to be able to stay up all night. We both aren’t even in our late twenties yet, but we feel like we’re in our forties. Listed below are some changes that happen when you get married and have a kid.

  • A busy day for us involves us going to Sam’s Club for diapers and formula, Wal-Mart for other groceries, and several other stores trying to find a pack ‘n’ play for our son. If we want to get crazy we may even go to Kohl’s. In order for you to see how drastic a change this is, my husband is a grunt.
  • Romance doesn’t involve candlelight dinners or movies or long walks in the city on a cool summer’s night. Romance is bonding over something that made you two laugh, usually something to do with the house or the kid, or being able to lay down before 9:00 P.M. and just watch a movie with each other.
  • A night out consists of visiting other married couples and playing some pretty funny card games.
  • You think it is an extreme travesty when a gym refuses to have a daycare because it would be a distraction to others. Excuse me, but your gym would probably have a lot more patrons if you had daycare. Jerks.
  • Date nights are important, but they are extremely hard to have when you have a baby and you don’t want to burden the same couple every time you want to have a night out with your husband.
  • Sleep time is the only quiet time, at least for my hubby and baby. They both snore so very loudly, there is no silence for me. Thanks, guys.
  • You will literally do just about anything to make your baby stop crying. Even if it means singing in the store to keep him calm…and you are no Susan Boyle. Not by a long shot.
  • I have three gray hairs already. Three. Gray. Hairs. I’m not even 25 yet.
  • When you see younger couples in the mall or see a teenage girl be all happy about how she has a great body, you can’t help but think, “Enjoy it while it lasts. Someday you will have stretch marks the size of the Nile and you won’t be able to remember the last time you went on a shopping spree for yourself. Your baby will take all of his or her cuteness from your hind parts. Then you will know. You will be the new Tiger Butt.” Don’t judge me.
  • You see younger people do all these crazy stunts and taking all of these random trips and you will say, “They are stupid! Don’t they know that (insert formerly-not-so-dangerous-activity-but-is-now-deemed-dangerous here) is dangerous? It is stupid to go out on a road trip without planning! I need to know how many bottles to bring!” Then you realize that they don’t have to worry about bottles, diapers, or if they brought enough toys to take with them. They have no kids.
  • All of the things you begin to think about as a mom especially are: how many laundry loads I still have to do, plan meals out at least two weeks at a time, do I have enough cleaning supplies, can I squeeze in time for a phone call or Skype call with friends or family, what all I need from the grocery store, what messes do I need to clean up before bed, can I wait to wash those bottles in the morning, why didn’t I wash those bottles last night, why do I have to repeat myself at least five times to be heard, why can’t he pick up his clothes, why can’t he change a poopy diaper, how can my husband seriously not think of anything at all when I’m thinking of 15 different things at once, etc.
  • All of the things you begin to think about as a dad are: do I have enough chips, I wonder when I’ll go to sleep tonight, why can’t my 10-month-old use the potty yet, why does he have to poop when my wife’s not here, why does my wife get upset about clothes being on the floor or my uniform spread all over the house, I hate commercials, why does my wife get upset when I don’t answer her while I’m watching T.V. – I really am not thinking anything at all, haha silly dog on a rope swing, hmm I wonder if my son likes jalapeños.

As you can see, marriage and parenthood are not easy. They are not meant to be easy, though. It does help if you have a real partner in life and try to edify and help one another. If you think marriage is a handful and you already feel old for being married, wait until you have kids. Yes, all this means is that you are responsible and have priorities. You can put it the grown-up way or you can put it my husband’s way: parenthood makes you old.

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