Category Archives: Life as a stay-at-home-mom

I’m a Gray-Haired, Crazy Old Lady

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Or Little Old Woman, as my great-uncle, Bud, likes to call me. Not even just because I’m “old-fashioned” in a lot of my beliefs. I literally have gray hair. And I also need a little bit of sanity. Just a pinch. Not that much. (If a pinch was the equivalent of a ton.)

I sit here typing this to you as my son makes a trip up and down this strip from our living room to the dining table, pushing his Batmobile and humming a somewhat-engine-like-but-not-really noise. Oh, looky there. His Jake and the Neverland Pirates boat just joined in the fun. I think I like that boat a lot better, it’s so much quieter.

Our dog, Taco, was getting into things he wasn’t supposed to mess with. You can tell that by how he keeps circling around right by my leg trying to get me to pet him. The cat, Max, is just sitting on the table, looking down on us petty mortals. Aaaaaaaaaand the cat is asleep. ‘Cause he doesn’t do that every hour of the day.

Batman is playing on the T.V. Again. Even though my son isn’t watching it I can guarantee you that he would notice the millisecond I turned it off.

As I sat here thinking to myself, since my husband is away for training again, I realized that I’m such an old fart. I think mostly about recipes and cooking during the day, I think of all the stuff I have to clean, I get onto whichever  person or animal is doing a no-no, and I get overly excited about dreaming of household appliances that would just be so awesome to have.

Whelp, good thing I have the crazy in me to help balance me out. You know, the part of me that loves to watch Looney Tunes (I’m so sick of all the “everybody’s a winner” crap T.V. shows), who eats chocolate because it tastes yummy (don’t tell my cardiologist……or my husband for that matter), who gets more excited than her kid to play football, who sings just about all day (I have an awful voice and I don’t care), and who also makes some very funny (and sanity questioning) sounds to make the day not be so dull. Yes, I am that lady that makes chicken noises walking in the mall to get her toddler excited about eating some chicken. I can totally see why my husband loves me so much. I’m awesome.

Maybe it’s not that I need to cling to my sanity so much, but that I should just let the crazy be. Ultimately, I think that will actually help keep me sane 😉

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My Son, the Boy

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I thought my days of getting my fingers beaten to a pulp while playing swords was over. No, because I have a boy that is definitely a boy. Where did my son come up with playing swords? Honesty, I’m not sure. I think it’s one of those things that are ingrained in virtually every boy, such as liking trains and trucks (which is a story for another time).

I remember the days of playing swords with my brother…who didn’t show that much mercy to my fingers (thanks, bro). Below is a picture of what my son and I used to play swords this morning:

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You had best believe that I took the actual sword. Don’t look at me like that, I wasn’t whacking at my son’s fingers. He was whacking at mine! Somehow, just like his uncle, he still managed to hit my fingers despite my best attempt at shielding them. Of course.

Le sigh. I have another decade at least of that happening to me. Hmm, I think I may invest in a pair of padded gloves. Yeah, some padded gloves….and a face mask. Go to my happy place.

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11 Ways to Show What it’s Like to Live with a Chronic Illness

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Do you really want to know what it’s like to have a chronic illness? No sugar-coating? Okay, let me tell you.

  1. The amount of pills I had to take today to just get by? 27 pills. No, they aren’t pills that make you high. That’s how many I have to take to even make it to my so-called normal. I am not a druggie.
  2. When was the last time I did my yoga (the exercise I love so much)? I can’t tell you. Between my energy levels and having procedures, it’s been a while. I made it up to a headstand before I had to stop doing yoga. No, it’s not just something that I can push through. It’s either spend my energy on yoga and relax the whole day or take care of my husband, child, and our home.
  3. When was the last time I didn’t have to take a break when walking up or down stairs? That’s a good question.
  4. Why is it hard for people to believe that I’m sick? I try to hide it as much as possible. It’s gotten to where I can fool everyone but my husband. If I let people see how I feel, who would want to be around me?
  5. Those looks you get when you have to use a cane and park in a handicapped space? Yeah, those are lovely. I’m 25 and sometimes move slower than someone who is 50 years older than me.
  6. I sometimes have to sit or lay down in a grocery isle when I go grocery shopping. I promise, I’m not that kookoo for cocoa puffs to randomly lay in a store.
  7. Sometimes I have to run-ish to the bathroom really quickly at the store, because my colon picked a very convenient time to try to finally empty itself. Why is it always at the store?
  8. Pre-syncope (almost fainting, but not quite) happens all the time. I think full on fainting feels better than the almost fainting.
  9. I could barely move the last time we took our son to the zoo.
  10. My husband doesn’t want to go see different places, because he knows I’m going to get tired and have to just rest for who knows how many days afterward.
  11. Because of a feminine problem and fibromyalgia and neuropathy, I’m in pain all the time. Here’s the kicker, even morphine given through an IV doesn’t affect me.

But I still fight to be there for my husband and son. I take care of my son, because I take care of myself. It’s so hard some days, but it’s so worth it. Who said life on earth would be easy? Life is work and life is hard, deal with it. We all have a cross to carry, and this is mine. A lot of people with illnesses milk it, but most of us don’t and won’t do it. I don’t need your sympathy, I need your understanding that sometimes I just can’t do things. You don’t need to know everything wrong with me, just know that I need a rest sometimes. I cannot do it all.

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What I Love About Yoga

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I began doing yoga towards the end of January. If you had asked me a year ago what I thought about yoga, I would have told you that I thought it was just a bunch of people doing silly stretches. I even used to make fun of my brother for doing yoga (sorry, bro). I’m eating my words. Honestly, I would probably not be in such a centered state if it wasn’t for yoga. Yoga has helped me in so many ways. Listed below are some things about yoga that I love.

  • It really is a workout. No, seriously. I’m getting back into shape from it. Awesome stuff, man. My POTS is pretty cool with it, too.
  • It’s helped me to let go of a lot of things, such as: my constant thoughts of what people would think of me while I’m doing these odd stretches or how I must look so weird. Who cares? It’s yoga. Don’t lose your sanity over speculating what people may be saying or thinking about you.
  • Even though I get to stare at my ugly feet a lot, them being ugly doesn’t bother me anymore. I love my hobbit feet (well, they’re not that hairy).
  • You don’t have to own a pair of yoga pants to do yoga. Thank goodness. I have never done a single yoga practice in yoga attire. However, the one pair of those pants I do own are like sweatpants to me. You best believe I rock them sweatpants. But at home. Not outside, at home. Not as every day wear, but as I-don’t-give-a-crap-I’m-just-sitting-on-my-couch wear.
  • There’s no judging in yoga. So your crow pose isn’t pretty. At least you can rock that savasana. You go, girl. Go ahead and fall asleep while you relax that awesome body of yours.
  • There’s no competition. There’s no pressure to feel like you have to do certain things. You go as far as you want to go. End of story.
  • You let go of fear. Whatever your fear may be, you can conquer it. I’m just happy I can do a headstand now. I was always afraid of breaking my neck. But look at me, with my neck not broken and stuff.
  • You learn how to center/ground yourself. It helps a lot with anxiety. True story.
  • You have to relax. For someone like me, that’s tough. “You mean I just have to lay here and basically go to sleep?” Man, I love that savasana. It’s my favorite.
  • One of my favorite yoga instructors (Kathryn Budig) says that if you’re not smiling, then you’re taking it too seriously. Sure, I would like to just hit her with a foamy baseball bat when I’m trying to do some of those poses like alternately lifting up each leg in dolphin pose and upward bow pose, but she’s right. (Insert mumbling about how I’d like to find a foam bat here.)
  • Yoga is really for anyone. Of course, you always need to clear it with your doc before you start anything. However, here I am with several autoimmune diseases and disorders, but I can do yoga. I can’t do yoga every day, but I do it when I can. It’s important to keep moving forward no matter the struggle.
  • Here’s a TMI part (you’ve been warned): I can poop. Yoga helps me poop. I have tried everything you can think of to go, but nothing ever worked-even at my healthiest. But yoga can take care of you so well in that aspect. That tension is gone, dude. Relief is a wonderful thing.

Here is a picture of me doing crow pose when I was just starting to be able to do it a little over a month ago:

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What do you love about yoga?

You Know You Have a Toddler if….

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You know you have a toddler if…

  • You came to the realization that you will never “catch up on sleep”

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  • It’s not only normal but an every day, several times a day occurrence to tell him to quit digging in his diaper (nasty).
  • You’re so tired of telling your child he can’t play with something or can’t do something that you seriously wonder why you even bother talking in the first place.

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  • You don’t worry about him being a bother in worship services, you know he is and you might as well accept it. He’s two, it’s gonna be a little while before he sits quietly for an hour – unless he’s watching one of the Rugrats movies.
  • There is a temper tantrum every time he can’t go on the “ride” at Wal-Mart because he acted up the entire time you were in the store grocery shopping. (Stay strong!)
  • He likes something, such as trucks, you will know. Oh how you will know.
  • He tests you repeatedly. For instance, I’ll say to not kick the dog and he’ll lightly tap him with his foot. I don’t know whether to laugh at his sassy behind or to put him in timeout. Usually it ends up with a timeout….with me secretly laughing at his sass.

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  • That whole affirmation about how your child is only going to eat organic, no fast food, no sweets, etc. went out the window and into the ditch. You’re just happy when he eats something period.

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  • You know how to do yoga with a toddler climbing all over you. Hey, at least it builds strength.
  • That whole thing about no T.V. went into the ditch along with the food ideology.
  • You’re happy you’re in bed before midnight. Not asleep, just in bed. (There are things to do when the kid goes to sleep.)

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  • You love when he wants to rock so you can snuggle a little bit. It really is awesome. I’ll take what I can get.

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  • You try to divert his attention by saying, “Hey, look! A truck,” when he wants to go outside and you haven’t even brushed your teeth yet.
  • He’s trying to help you type as you try to write this blog and he thinks it’s hilarious.

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  • You’re kid is afraid of the potty when like all of your friends with toddler girls are pretty much potty trained. Yes, he’s afraid of the potty. We have had our issues potty training, to say the least.

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  • He lets you know he has a booboo…when it’s pretty much all healed up. It’s not that cute after hearing about it the millionth time, hon.

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  • You can’t really too mad when he eats your doughnut, because at least he’s eating something, right? Right? Dude, that’s Mommy’s doughnut!
  • Certain annoying toys disappear into the great beyond…
  • Even the dogs look at you like, “C’mon, control your kid.”

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How do you know you have a toddler?

Morning Routine #2 – Toddler Adventures

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If you’ve been following a while, then you know one of my first posts was about my son’s morning routine. Well, tonight I bring you the toddler addition. (Since he’s two years old now, I’m thinking this is overdue.) Anyways, here it goes.

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First off, I’m lucky if I wake up before Bug (my new pet name for him). No matter when this kid falls asleep, which is another post all on its own, Bug still wakes up with the sun. Why? Doesn’t this kid know that sleeping in is awesome? Alas, he does not. Yet. Some day….Anyways, he comes into my room and comes up straight to my face. Sometimes I am prepared for this, other times I almost whack him in the face. His signal for me to get up is to move my covers, attempt to give me my glasses (because I can’t be alive without them evidently), hands me the PS3 controller to turn on Netflix, and yells at me to get milk or juice. He enunciates, “Milk,” very well, but the word juice is pronounced, “Jew,” for now. (It can get awkward in public.)

Once I finally wake up enough to know that I exist and have this creature that wants me to feed him for some reason, the fight for breakfast will commence. You see, the fight for breakfast is very much just trying to agree on something he’ll eat that isn’t candy. He knows what candy is now. Oh, how he knows. Bug likes to eat things he can carry around with him, but gets bored with those foods very quickly. No matter what he gets to eat, one or both of my parents’ dogs will devour most of it. (Remember we’re living here with my parents while hubby is gone.) Before that even happens, Bug will offer a piece to one of them, usually the larger, younger dog named Jed, and then scream because the dog took it. His screams translate to, “This concept of sharing is not working for me. Everything is mine, even when I give it to you.” Unless he stuffs his food into your mouth until you look like a chipmunk.

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While I try to get him to eat something (I will NOT give into candy for breakfast), he either plays with his slide that’s in his room, wants me to join him in his Jake tent, rolls around the house on his car toy, hits the dogs, pulls on Jed’s face, plays with the broken vacuum cleaner, gets upset with it and wants a working one, scares himself when he plugs it in, throws multiple things (boys are destructive, I’m telling you), yells to go outside no matter the weather, whines while doing everything-even when he’s happy, laughs at Jake on Jake and the Neverland Pirates, or all of the above. It’s usually all of the above. All before 9 A.M. Payback is definitely coming back at this kid when he’s a teenager (I love you, honey). He also does all these things while I try to make the beds, do our laundry, attempt to do my morning yoga session (I love me some yoga), and prepping for cooking or trying to study my Bible.

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Lately we’ve been doing activities before lunch. It still qualifies as a morning routine, because he hasn’t eaten lunch yet. We painted a plaster monster for Daddy one day, and we played with slightly moistened cornmeal. He loves the cornmeal.

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I’m ready for a nap tomorrow and I haven’t even gone to bed for the night yet. This is a skip night yoga and shower ..er.. night.

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Psalm 46:10

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The first part of Psalm 46:10 reads, “Be still, and know that I am God.” As I’ve been struggling with missing my husband, trying to fight postpartum depression, and all of my other ailments, I have to say this verse has calmed me the most. It reminds me to just take a deep breath, put my hands down, and just relax. This reminds me that God is here for me, yes, even me. That He is able, that He is strong, that He is love in its purest form. Not only has He taken care of me, He will continue to do so as long as I follow Him and do His will. Whenever I read this first, it humbles me. I take a deep breath and just let things go, and find comfort in the fact that God is God and He is so much wiser than I am ( “For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has become His counselor?” Romans 11:34). God is our strength and refuge, a very present help in times of trouble no matter the difficulties (Ps. 46:2,3). God does want us to just put things down sometimes and to just trust in Him.

If it seems as if your world is caving in, don’t waver in faith in God. Not faith in yourself; not faith in that you’ve seen, done, experienced it all; not because you can keep your composure no matter the strife.  Be still, because of what you know from scripture about God. He will never leave you (Hebrews 13:5; Matthew 28:20).

Don’t forget to be thankful, no matter your circumstances (Ephesians 5:20). Other verses that may help encourage you are: Ephesians 4:6-9; Matthew 6:25-34; Matthew 11:28-30; 2 Corinthians 12:7-10; Psalm 46; Psalm 51; Psalm 55:22; Isaiah 41:10; Proverbs 3:5,6; Psalm 34; John 14:27; etc. If there are any verses that you use for comfort, please share them in the comments section.

Steps to Salvation 1. Hear – Romans 10:17 2. Believe – John 8:24 3. Repent – Luke 13:1-5 4. Confess – Romans 10:10 5. Be Baptized – Acts 2:38 6. Live Faithfully – Revelation 2:10