Category Archives: Random/Humor

Allergic to Gravity

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Allergic to gravity – it’s one of the simplest ways that I can explain my type of Dysautonomia. Yep, I still have it. It’s still there like acne for me, it just won’t go away. Isn’t that nice? Well, I decided to write a list of some funny things about this illness. So, here you go.

  1. We are allergic to gravity. Seriously. Gravity hates us. It just pulls us down.
  2. We can salt it up, dudes. Yep, the more salt the better. Yet McDonald’s never seem to get that I’m serious when I ask for the salt packets. It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually salted their fries. That’s why I get the food in the first place. (I mean, c’mon. Is it really so hard to get salty french fries when I pay for them? These people.)
  3. We’re so talented we can wake up with a hangover without even drinking. It’s awesome opossum.
  4. We’re so lazy that we can fall down on the floor as soon as we get out of bed. Sleep is a priority after all. Who needs life when you can just lay on the ground?
  5. We can’t really go on roller coasters, but we at least get the sensation in the car. Say what?
  6. We usually get to have so many other medical problems with Dysautonomia. The more the merrier, right?
  7. We’re running a marathon inside our bodies all the time without the added benefits of actually running a marathon. It’s so great.
  8. We drink so much water that we might as well be mermaids….just hopefully a bit more clothed.
  9. We take so much medicine we should at least all be honorary pharmacy technicians. I’m just sayin’.
  10. We have to go through so many procedures and med trials and side effects that we should have our own comedy show. I know I get even more goofy with certain things. And dizzy. Really dizzy. Hey! How did that wall get there?
  11. Automated blood pressure machines have nothing on us. Our vitals change so quickly and are so odd that the machines won’t register them. Now that’s talent.

What other things can you think of to go on this list, my fellow heartbeaters?

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Small Acts of Kindness

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The small things are what matter most in life. At least that’s what I coming to realize more every day. The last few days have been emotionally rough for me. My mom told me I needed to get out of the house and do stuff, and she’s right. Tonight I took my soon to get some stuff we needed at the store and stopped by Starbucks on the way home. Whenever I go there at night, the same woman happens to be working at the drive-thru window. She’s always so nice and polite and happy. I love going to this particular Starbucks because of her attitude. In fact, everyone there is always so nice. Well, I went through and ordered the same vanilla bean frappuccino with extra caramel drizzle that I get every time. After paying, I noticed she was standing over where they keep the food and just thought that she was cleaning up for closing. When she came back over to the window, she handed me my drink and handed me a blueberry muffin and said it was on the house. Maybe it was just me being emotional, but I almost cried in her face. Tears welled up in my eyes. I had felt so awful this past week, mentally and physically, and that just made my day.

Point being of my overly detailed story is that you never really know what kind of impact you can make on a person. Even if you’re having an awful day, try not to take it out on others. Make it a point not only to pay it forward, but to have that kindness in you always. Carry the love and kindness of God wherever you go and to whomever you see. You never know the impact you make on people, but try to make it a good one.

The impact for me? I feel more hopeful about life, and I really like blueberry muffins. Seriously, that was an extremely tasty muffin.

What I Love About Yoga

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I began doing yoga towards the end of January. If you had asked me a year ago what I thought about yoga, I would have told you that I thought it was just a bunch of people doing silly stretches. I even used to make fun of my brother for doing yoga (sorry, bro). I’m eating my words. Honestly, I would probably not be in such a centered state if it wasn’t for yoga. Yoga has helped me in so many ways. Listed below are some things about yoga that I love.

  • It really is a workout. No, seriously. I’m getting back into shape from it. Awesome stuff, man. My POTS is pretty cool with it, too.
  • It’s helped me to let go of a lot of things, such as: my constant thoughts of what people would think of me while I’m doing these odd stretches or how I must look so weird. Who cares? It’s yoga. Don’t lose your sanity over speculating what people may be saying or thinking about you.
  • Even though I get to stare at my ugly feet a lot, them being ugly doesn’t bother me anymore. I love my hobbit feet (well, they’re not that hairy).
  • You don’t have to own a pair of yoga pants to do yoga. Thank goodness. I have never done a single yoga practice in yoga attire. However, the one pair of those pants I do own are like sweatpants to me. You best believe I rock them sweatpants. But at home. Not outside, at home. Not as every day wear, but as I-don’t-give-a-crap-I’m-just-sitting-on-my-couch wear.
  • There’s no judging in yoga. So your crow pose isn’t pretty. At least you can rock that savasana. You go, girl. Go ahead and fall asleep while you relax that awesome body of yours.
  • There’s no competition. There’s no pressure to feel like you have to do certain things. You go as far as you want to go. End of story.
  • You let go of fear. Whatever your fear may be, you can conquer it. I’m just happy I can do a headstand now. I was always afraid of breaking my neck. But look at me, with my neck not broken and stuff.
  • You learn how to center/ground yourself. It helps a lot with anxiety. True story.
  • You have to relax. For someone like me, that’s tough. “You mean I just have to lay here and basically go to sleep?” Man, I love that savasana. It’s my favorite.
  • One of my favorite yoga instructors (Kathryn Budig) says that if you’re not smiling, then you’re taking it too seriously. Sure, I would like to just hit her with a foamy baseball bat when I’m trying to do some of those poses like alternately lifting up each leg in dolphin pose and upward bow pose, but she’s right. (Insert mumbling about how I’d like to find a foam bat here.)
  • Yoga is really for anyone. Of course, you always need to clear it with your doc before you start anything. However, here I am with several autoimmune diseases and disorders, but I can do yoga. I can’t do yoga every day, but I do it when I can. It’s important to keep moving forward no matter the struggle.
  • Here’s a TMI part (you’ve been warned): I can poop. Yoga helps me poop. I have tried everything you can think of to go, but nothing ever worked-even at my healthiest. But yoga can take care of you so well in that aspect. That tension is gone, dude. Relief is a wonderful thing.

Here is a picture of me doing crow pose when I was just starting to be able to do it a little over a month ago:

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What do you love about yoga?

I am Frustrated

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Today is a rant-ish post. I am frustrated. You may ask, “Why are you frustrated?” Well, I’ll tell you. I’m frustrated at how people say how relationships, from marriages to dating to friendships, ought to be. These people will tell you, “Honey, just leave him. If he loved you, then he would…..” Or, they’ll say something like, “You need to find someone to make you happy.” Um, pardon me, but I think that’s a bit messed up. I firmly believe the world would be a much better place if we concentrated less on feeling “loved” and concentrated more on trying to love others.

In dating relationships and marriages, your goal shouldn’t be feeling loved and how he/she should make you happy. It should be where the both of you are trying to make each other happy. There is an extremely strong chance (and I mean extremely strong) that you’ll feel so much happiness and love you won’t know what do with yourself. Of course, there are some relationships where this may not even work. Even if that’s the case, wouldn’t it be better knowing that if your spouse left you for someone else that it was not your doing at all, but the person who decided to be selfish and concentrate on himself/herself?

Whatever happened to loving people? Caring about people? Helping people? Concentrating on other people’s needs ahead of your own? This is a pretty good part of the reason why many of the people of this world are walkin’ the green mile to destruction.

Stop this whole, “No one is gonna look out for me but me,” nonsense. I certainly know that my mind feels a whole lot lighter not worrying about how other people are treating, but how I’m treating others.

And another thing, don’t worry whether or not a homeless man is really homeless or wonder what he’s going to do with the money you give him. There is no way for you to tell. Just give it in the right heart to someone who may appear to need it, if you are able to do so, of course. Don’t worry about how that person may be worse than a two-timin’ carpetbagger. I’d rather have a loving and giving heart, than a suspicious and skeptical mind. Keep in mind, if that particular homeless man is taking advantage of your kindness, he still has to take that up on Judgement Day. Just like you have to be accountable for how you treated people.

End. Rant.

7 Things About Motherhood

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I was so motivated and excited to write this post tonight that I brushed my teeth, washed my face, folded laundry, made the bed (I had washed the sheets), and attempted to put away my son’s toys. I needed a toy box to put his toys in, went into his room to get one, and woke him up. I. Am. Awesome. BUT, he fell back asleep very quickly after, thankfully. I’ve had enough Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for one day. Anyways, here’s a list of random things about becoming a mom and motherhood.

  1. A very great friend and I were talking the other week about the rising prices of crayons and coloring books. She had her daughter a little over three months before I had my son. During the middle of this conversation of me being very upset that coloring books aren’t $1 like they used to be, I stopped and asked her, “Dude, did you ever think two years ago that we would be talking about the rising prices of crayons?” We had a good laugh about it, and then proceeded to talk more about those awful rising prices. (Seriously, $10 for a 10 page coloring book and 5 markers?!) Motherhood: Rising cost in crayons and coloring books DOES matter.
  2. Before I even became pregnant with my son, I always said that I would never be a mom who would have toys laying all over the floor for people to step on. Everything would be perfect and pristine in my household. Yeah, and unicorns would babysit my toddler while I took a spa day in the bathroom, and I wouldn’t have stepped on my son’s toys about 5 times this evening alone. Motherhood: It makes you a hypocrite.
  3. I just recently started going back to the gym after having surgery – in July.  (In my defense, it does take a while for those with P.O.T.S. to recover fully from surgery.) I did an upper body workout and my abs workout (I work my abs every day I workout, gotta strengthen that core, people). I was so sore that I had to do the pregnant woman roll to get off the couch. Motherhood: It teaches you how to efficiently roll off the couch.
  4. I never thought I would be at a loss for words when other people (mostly older folks) start talking to my son and I. You never know whether or not they want you to respond or see if your baby/toddler would coo something at them. It is just a very awkward process, and I am VERY glad when that is over. Motherhood: It makes you go through awkward conversations with people.
  5. Saying, “No,” to a child gets tiring. There are so many times a day where you can tell your child, “No,” before you either flip out on him, leaving him to stare blankly and confused at you, or you just let him do whatever he wants to do, only slightly modifying it for safety reasons. Motherhood: Saying, “No,” so many times will eventually wear you down.
  6. Just like my toddler can go from all smiley to hating my living guts, Mommy can still have some hormonal mood swings a certain time of the month. There is also some extra pain during that certain time of the month that is most likely the cause of those not-so-hormonal mood swings, all because a child came forth from her loins. Motherhood: It makes you still feel like you’re trying to push out a baby once a month for the rest of your fertile life.
  7. Supermoms freak me out. Either they’re taking something to keep them going, or they may be neglecting something and not realizing it, like maybe the hubby. It is a juggling act trying to make sure everyone in the family has their needs taken care of without much damage. Motherhood: It makes you crazy and a juggler. (Maybe I should join a circus.)

There are more things that I wanted to type out tonight, but my body is in automatic shut down mode since my son has been asleep for almost 2 hours. However, I will leave you with one last piece of wisdom: Motherhood changes you, mostly in the hips and thighs.

Parenthood Makes You Old

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Married life changes you. A lot of people don’t know or realize that, but it does. Parenthood changes you, perhaps even more. I’ve found that I’m not the same, somewhat chill person I used to be. Not at all. Now, I’m a major worry wort and feel like I have to be a parent to my husband and son both at times. I hear this is similar in most marriages. My husband can barely stay up past 10:00 P.M. now, he used to be able to stay up all night. We both aren’t even in our late twenties yet, but we feel like we’re in our forties. Listed below are some changes that happen when you get married and have a kid.

  • A busy day for us involves us going to Sam’s Club for diapers and formula, Wal-Mart for other groceries, and several other stores trying to find a pack ‘n’ play for our son. If we want to get crazy we may even go to Kohl’s. In order for you to see how drastic a change this is, my husband is a grunt.
  • Romance doesn’t involve candlelight dinners or movies or long walks in the city on a cool summer’s night. Romance is bonding over something that made you two laugh, usually something to do with the house or the kid, or being able to lay down before 9:00 P.M. and just watch a movie with each other.
  • A night out consists of visiting other married couples and playing some pretty funny card games.
  • You think it is an extreme travesty when a gym refuses to have a daycare because it would be a distraction to others. Excuse me, but your gym would probably have a lot more patrons if you had daycare. Jerks.
  • Date nights are important, but they are extremely hard to have when you have a baby and you don’t want to burden the same couple every time you want to have a night out with your husband.
  • Sleep time is the only quiet time, at least for my hubby and baby. They both snore so very loudly, there is no silence for me. Thanks, guys.
  • You will literally do just about anything to make your baby stop crying. Even if it means singing in the store to keep him calm…and you are no Susan Boyle. Not by a long shot.
  • I have three gray hairs already. Three. Gray. Hairs. I’m not even 25 yet.
  • When you see younger couples in the mall or see a teenage girl be all happy about how she has a great body, you can’t help but think, “Enjoy it while it lasts. Someday you will have stretch marks the size of the Nile and you won’t be able to remember the last time you went on a shopping spree for yourself. Your baby will take all of his or her cuteness from your hind parts. Then you will know. You will be the new Tiger Butt.” Don’t judge me.
  • You see younger people do all these crazy stunts and taking all of these random trips and you will say, “They are stupid! Don’t they know that (insert formerly-not-so-dangerous-activity-but-is-now-deemed-dangerous here) is dangerous? It is stupid to go out on a road trip without planning! I need to know how many bottles to bring!” Then you realize that they don’t have to worry about bottles, diapers, or if they brought enough toys to take with them. They have no kids.
  • All of the things you begin to think about as a mom especially are: how many laundry loads I still have to do, plan meals out at least two weeks at a time, do I have enough cleaning supplies, can I squeeze in time for a phone call or Skype call with friends or family, what all I need from the grocery store, what messes do I need to clean up before bed, can I wait to wash those bottles in the morning, why didn’t I wash those bottles last night, why do I have to repeat myself at least five times to be heard, why can’t he pick up his clothes, why can’t he change a poopy diaper, how can my husband seriously not think of anything at all when I’m thinking of 15 different things at once, etc.
  • All of the things you begin to think about as a dad are: do I have enough chips, I wonder when I’ll go to sleep tonight, why can’t my 10-month-old use the potty yet, why does he have to poop when my wife’s not here, why does my wife get upset about clothes being on the floor or my uniform spread all over the house, I hate commercials, why does my wife get upset when I don’t answer her while I’m watching T.V. – I really am not thinking anything at all, haha silly dog on a rope swing, hmm I wonder if my son likes jalapeños.

As you can see, marriage and parenthood are not easy. They are not meant to be easy, though. It does help if you have a real partner in life and try to edify and help one another. If you think marriage is a handful and you already feel old for being married, wait until you have kids. Yes, all this means is that you are responsible and have priorities. You can put it the grown-up way or you can put it my husband’s way: parenthood makes you old.

The Election Results

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I’ve kept quiet on this for a while, but it is time I write something about the election, I guess. Whether Obama or Romney, I do not like either one of them. I refused to vote for either of them and voted for Virgil Goode instead (I side with him the most). No matter what people say, I didn’t waste my vote. Take a look at this quote by John Quincy Adams, “Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.”

Well, regardless of who won the election (Obama won), my friend, both our small families, and I were planning on moving to Australia (the husbands may or may not know about that yet). Pack them bags, Caitlin, we have some big travel plans to make and a lot of Bloomin’ Onions to stock up on!

*Update- Now Shawna wants to come, and she can make us Bloomin’ Onions! Outback not needed anymore!