There are certain times when only a mother wouldn’t flip out and go nuts when her child did something gross, like blow out poop or snot all over your face that does not belong to you. Here’s a list of things that only a mother (and some dads, too) can tolerate:
- Trying to kiss your son on the cheek while he eats his waffles and getting a mouthful of snot all over your lips, because your sick toddler turned his head at just the right moment. [I deserve that one, I was the one who said that the booger flavored Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans jelly bean didn’t taste that bad. (Yes, this is a Harry Potter reference.)]
- Your child wakes up shortly after you laying him down from his crying. You decide to give him a little while to go back to sleep, only to discover that he’s puked up the mac ‘n’ cheese from supper all over his crib, his stuffed animals, and his body. This results in you washing everything that was near the puke, desperately wiping his crib down with lysol wipes, really trying not to puke because of the puke smell, giving him a really good bath, having to go to the store to get gatorade for him to drink since he hates pedialyte, force spooning gatorade into his mouth, and eventually going to sleep yourself in the wee hours of the morning only to have to wake up in another hour or two to make sure your hubby hears the alarm and gets off to PT at 5 A.M.
- The wipes being taken out of the wipe case. I had to do deep breathing for that one.
- Patiently trying to not lose your head while your son tosses all of his food off of his tray onto the floor. No more spaghetti noodles for you, Traitor (Yep, Daddy is still the favorite)!
- Trying to comfort your crying toddler by cradling him against your chest, because he decided to rear his head back and slam his eye against the coffee table. He still has a bruise right under his eye. True story.
- Not being disgusted by the rainbow color of poops that can blow out quite easily if diarrhea is involved, and trying to hold his legs in the air while he squirms since he doesn’t want you to wipe his butt. (Mommy wins every time! However, he gets in some good swings by his poopy butt touching the couch or floor or something.)
- Toys being scattered all over the living room floor, stepping on a block (that hurts like none other), and picking it all up at night when he goes to bed just to have to do it all over again the next day.
- Trying to cook anything while having your toddler weave in and out between your legs, because apparently he doesn’t want to go around you. You are a jungle-gym.
Ahhh, the life of a stay-at-home-mom.