Tag Archives: stay-at-home-mom

I’m a Gray-Haired, Crazy Old Lady

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Or Little Old Woman, as my great-uncle, Bud, likes to call me. Not even just because I’m “old-fashioned” in a lot of my beliefs. I literally have gray hair. And I also need a little bit of sanity. Just a pinch. Not that much. (If a pinch was the equivalent of a ton.)

I sit here typing this to you as my son makes a trip up and down this strip from our living room to the dining table, pushing his Batmobile and humming a somewhat-engine-like-but-not-really noise. Oh, looky there. His Jake and the Neverland Pirates boat just joined in the fun. I think I like that boat a lot better, it’s so much quieter.

Our dog, Taco, was getting into things he wasn’t supposed to mess with. You can tell that by how he keeps circling around right by my leg trying to get me to pet him. The cat, Max, is just sitting on the table, looking down on us petty mortals. Aaaaaaaaaand the cat is asleep. ‘Cause he doesn’t do that every hour of the day.

Batman is playing on the T.V. Again. Even though my son isn’t watching it I can guarantee you that he would notice the millisecond I turned it off.

As I sat here thinking to myself, since my husband is away for training again, I realized that I’m such an old fart. I think mostly about recipes and cooking during the day, I think of all the stuff I have to clean, I get onto whichever  person or animal is doing a no-no, and I get overly excited about dreaming of household appliances that would just be so awesome to have.

Whelp, good thing I have the crazy in me to help balance me out. You know, the part of me that loves to watch Looney Tunes (I’m so sick of all the “everybody’s a winner” crap T.V. shows), who eats chocolate because it tastes yummy (don’t tell my cardiologist……or my husband for that matter), who gets more excited than her kid to play football, who sings just about all day (I have an awful voice and I don’t care), and who also makes some very funny (and sanity questioning) sounds to make the day not be so dull. Yes, I am that lady that makes chicken noises walking in the mall to get her toddler excited about eating some chicken. I can totally see why my husband loves me so much. I’m awesome.

Maybe it’s not that I need to cling to my sanity so much, but that I should just let the crazy be. Ultimately, I think that will actually help keep me sane 😉

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What I Love About Yoga

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I began doing yoga towards the end of January. If you had asked me a year ago what I thought about yoga, I would have told you that I thought it was just a bunch of people doing silly stretches. I even used to make fun of my brother for doing yoga (sorry, bro). I’m eating my words. Honestly, I would probably not be in such a centered state if it wasn’t for yoga. Yoga has helped me in so many ways. Listed below are some things about yoga that I love.

  • It really is a workout. No, seriously. I’m getting back into shape from it. Awesome stuff, man. My POTS is pretty cool with it, too.
  • It’s helped me to let go of a lot of things, such as: my constant thoughts of what people would think of me while I’m doing these odd stretches or how I must look so weird. Who cares? It’s yoga. Don’t lose your sanity over speculating what people may be saying or thinking about you.
  • Even though I get to stare at my ugly feet a lot, them being ugly doesn’t bother me anymore. I love my hobbit feet (well, they’re not that hairy).
  • You don’t have to own a pair of yoga pants to do yoga. Thank goodness. I have never done a single yoga practice in yoga attire. However, the one pair of those pants I do own are like sweatpants to me. You best believe I rock them sweatpants. But at home. Not outside, at home. Not as every day wear, but as I-don’t-give-a-crap-I’m-just-sitting-on-my-couch wear.
  • There’s no judging in yoga. So your crow pose isn’t pretty. At least you can rock that savasana. You go, girl. Go ahead and fall asleep while you relax that awesome body of yours.
  • There’s no competition. There’s no pressure to feel like you have to do certain things. You go as far as you want to go. End of story.
  • You let go of fear. Whatever your fear may be, you can conquer it. I’m just happy I can do a headstand now. I was always afraid of breaking my neck. But look at me, with my neck not broken and stuff.
  • You learn how to center/ground yourself. It helps a lot with anxiety. True story.
  • You have to relax. For someone like me, that’s tough. “You mean I just have to lay here and basically go to sleep?” Man, I love that savasana. It’s my favorite.
  • One of my favorite yoga instructors (Kathryn Budig) says that if you’re not smiling, then you’re taking it too seriously. Sure, I would like to just hit her with a foamy baseball bat when I’m trying to do some of those poses like alternately lifting up each leg in dolphin pose and upward bow pose, but she’s right. (Insert mumbling about how I’d like to find a foam bat here.)
  • Yoga is really for anyone. Of course, you always need to clear it with your doc before you start anything. However, here I am with several autoimmune diseases and disorders, but I can do yoga. I can’t do yoga every day, but I do it when I can. It’s important to keep moving forward no matter the struggle.
  • Here’s a TMI part (you’ve been warned): I can poop. Yoga helps me poop. I have tried everything you can think of to go, but nothing ever worked-even at my healthiest. But yoga can take care of you so well in that aspect. That tension is gone, dude. Relief is a wonderful thing.

Here is a picture of me doing crow pose when I was just starting to be able to do it a little over a month ago:

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What do you love about yoga?

Morning Routine #2 – Toddler Adventures

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If you’ve been following a while, then you know one of my first posts was about my son’s morning routine. Well, tonight I bring you the toddler addition. (Since he’s two years old now, I’m thinking this is overdue.) Anyways, here it goes.

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First off, I’m lucky if I wake up before Bug (my new pet name for him). No matter when this kid falls asleep, which is another post all on its own, Bug still wakes up with the sun. Why? Doesn’t this kid know that sleeping in is awesome? Alas, he does not. Yet. Some day….Anyways, he comes into my room and comes up straight to my face. Sometimes I am prepared for this, other times I almost whack him in the face. His signal for me to get up is to move my covers, attempt to give me my glasses (because I can’t be alive without them evidently), hands me the PS3 controller to turn on Netflix, and yells at me to get milk or juice. He enunciates, “Milk,” very well, but the word juice is pronounced, “Jew,” for now. (It can get awkward in public.)

Once I finally wake up enough to know that I exist and have this creature that wants me to feed him for some reason, the fight for breakfast will commence. You see, the fight for breakfast is very much just trying to agree on something he’ll eat that isn’t candy. He knows what candy is now. Oh, how he knows. Bug likes to eat things he can carry around with him, but gets bored with those foods very quickly. No matter what he gets to eat, one or both of my parents’ dogs will devour most of it. (Remember we’re living here with my parents while hubby is gone.) Before that even happens, Bug will offer a piece to one of them, usually the larger, younger dog named Jed, and then scream because the dog took it. His screams translate to, “This concept of sharing is not working for me. Everything is mine, even when I give it to you.” Unless he stuffs his food into your mouth until you look like a chipmunk.

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While I try to get him to eat something (I will NOT give into candy for breakfast), he either plays with his slide that’s in his room, wants me to join him in his Jake tent, rolls around the house on his car toy, hits the dogs, pulls on Jed’s face, plays with the broken vacuum cleaner, gets upset with it and wants a working one, scares himself when he plugs it in, throws multiple things (boys are destructive, I’m telling you), yells to go outside no matter the weather, whines while doing everything-even when he’s happy, laughs at Jake on Jake and the Neverland Pirates, or all of the above. It’s usually all of the above. All before 9 A.M. Payback is definitely coming back at this kid when he’s a teenager (I love you, honey). He also does all these things while I try to make the beds, do our laundry, attempt to do my morning yoga session (I love me some yoga), and prepping for cooking or trying to study my Bible.

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Lately we’ve been doing activities before lunch. It still qualifies as a morning routine, because he hasn’t eaten lunch yet. We painted a plaster monster for Daddy one day, and we played with slightly moistened cornmeal. He loves the cornmeal.

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I’m ready for a nap tomorrow and I haven’t even gone to bed for the night yet. This is a skip night yoga and shower ..er.. night.

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Back in Town

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Finally, I’m back home. Well, I got home the night before Thanksgiving, but I’ve been spending time with my husband and the Traitor, as well as trying to recuperate from the traveling. The trip went okay, I won’t know what the Air Force decides for a while. All I have to say about flying is… thank you for midodrine, Heavenly Father! If it wasn’t for midodrine, I don’t know how I would have made it. I will post a few posts about the trip and my son soon, but I just wanted to touch base with you guys. I would like to read all of the blog posts I missed while I was gone, but there are literally too many for me to read at the moment.

I hope you guys had a great Thanksgiving! Soon I will post a cheap and easy Thanksgiving Day/Christmas Day meal. Take care!

Parenthood Makes You Old

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Married life changes you. A lot of people don’t know or realize that, but it does. Parenthood changes you, perhaps even more. I’ve found that I’m not the same, somewhat chill person I used to be. Not at all. Now, I’m a major worry wort and feel like I have to be a parent to my husband and son both at times. I hear this is similar in most marriages. My husband can barely stay up past 10:00 P.M. now, he used to be able to stay up all night. We both aren’t even in our late twenties yet, but we feel like we’re in our forties. Listed below are some changes that happen when you get married and have a kid.

  • A busy day for us involves us going to Sam’s Club for diapers and formula, Wal-Mart for other groceries, and several other stores trying to find a pack ‘n’ play for our son. If we want to get crazy we may even go to Kohl’s. In order for you to see how drastic a change this is, my husband is a grunt.
  • Romance doesn’t involve candlelight dinners or movies or long walks in the city on a cool summer’s night. Romance is bonding over something that made you two laugh, usually something to do with the house or the kid, or being able to lay down before 9:00 P.M. and just watch a movie with each other.
  • A night out consists of visiting other married couples and playing some pretty funny card games.
  • You think it is an extreme travesty when a gym refuses to have a daycare because it would be a distraction to others. Excuse me, but your gym would probably have a lot more patrons if you had daycare. Jerks.
  • Date nights are important, but they are extremely hard to have when you have a baby and you don’t want to burden the same couple every time you want to have a night out with your husband.
  • Sleep time is the only quiet time, at least for my hubby and baby. They both snore so very loudly, there is no silence for me. Thanks, guys.
  • You will literally do just about anything to make your baby stop crying. Even if it means singing in the store to keep him calm…and you are no Susan Boyle. Not by a long shot.
  • I have three gray hairs already. Three. Gray. Hairs. I’m not even 25 yet.
  • When you see younger couples in the mall or see a teenage girl be all happy about how she has a great body, you can’t help but think, “Enjoy it while it lasts. Someday you will have stretch marks the size of the Nile and you won’t be able to remember the last time you went on a shopping spree for yourself. Your baby will take all of his or her cuteness from your hind parts. Then you will know. You will be the new Tiger Butt.” Don’t judge me.
  • You see younger people do all these crazy stunts and taking all of these random trips and you will say, “They are stupid! Don’t they know that (insert formerly-not-so-dangerous-activity-but-is-now-deemed-dangerous here) is dangerous? It is stupid to go out on a road trip without planning! I need to know how many bottles to bring!” Then you realize that they don’t have to worry about bottles, diapers, or if they brought enough toys to take with them. They have no kids.
  • All of the things you begin to think about as a mom especially are: how many laundry loads I still have to do, plan meals out at least two weeks at a time, do I have enough cleaning supplies, can I squeeze in time for a phone call or Skype call with friends or family, what all I need from the grocery store, what messes do I need to clean up before bed, can I wait to wash those bottles in the morning, why didn’t I wash those bottles last night, why do I have to repeat myself at least five times to be heard, why can’t he pick up his clothes, why can’t he change a poopy diaper, how can my husband seriously not think of anything at all when I’m thinking of 15 different things at once, etc.
  • All of the things you begin to think about as a dad are: do I have enough chips, I wonder when I’ll go to sleep tonight, why can’t my 10-month-old use the potty yet, why does he have to poop when my wife’s not here, why does my wife get upset about clothes being on the floor or my uniform spread all over the house, I hate commercials, why does my wife get upset when I don’t answer her while I’m watching T.V. – I really am not thinking anything at all, haha silly dog on a rope swing, hmm I wonder if my son likes jalapeños.

As you can see, marriage and parenthood are not easy. They are not meant to be easy, though. It does help if you have a real partner in life and try to edify and help one another. If you think marriage is a handful and you already feel old for being married, wait until you have kids. Yes, all this means is that you are responsible and have priorities. You can put it the grown-up way or you can put it my husband’s way: parenthood makes you old.

9 Things I Would Have Never Thought Before Becoming a Mom

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Listed below is..well um…a list…of things I would never have thought before becoming a mom:

  1. How much an extra 5 minutes of sleep is really worth. An extra 5 minutes of sleep means the difference between waking up with birds chirping, the sun shining brightly and nicely through the curtains, and hearing pleasant music as you stretch (you know, the kind of music on Looney Tunes when someone wakes up) as opposed to barely making it to the royal swirly throne because you are stumbling all over the place trying to wake yourself up, rushing to the kitchen to get your child’s breakfast ready to get him to stop crying, and trying to be all smiley and crap when your husband gets home. There is a MAJOR difference, trust me.
  2. How awesome it would be if your baby would just forgo the temper tantrum for one day. There is only so much a person can take of her baby throwing a fit over not being able to chew on and play with cords before it becomes really old really fast.
  3. The mom look is powerful. You know that look a mom gets when you’re doing something wrong and she either hasn’t yet or can’t say something to you? Yeah, that look works even on babies (it worked on my son last night). It makes you feel like, “I am Mommy! Hear me roar!” Rawr.
  4. That it was possible to take privacy in the bathroom for granted. It’s true. I have written about this before, but there is a little more to it. Sure, you think that you can give them payback from the smell when you are making poopy and they break in, but no. Oh no. You’re like, “Smell my poopy and tremble! I said TREMBLE! Not keep coming in, examine the tub, grab my leg, and smile!”
  5. That going to a doctor’s appointment would be a vacation. It is a vacation. I hate going to the doctor, but if my husband can watch him while I go or I can put him in daycare for that amount of time, then it is a vacation. Mommy can go somewhere without a little munchkin attached to her! Let’s have a party!
  6. I never thought, in a million years, that I would make up rhymes and sing them to my son to get him to eat, to take a bath, and to go to bed. These will never be heard by another person’s ears as long as I live! I hope.
  7. How much a person would go through to keep him from crying. From carrying him around on your stomach all day and night to running the dryer without clothes in it to letting him gnaw on your hand when he was teething, you would do just about anything (within reason) to stop that crying. Especially when he’s been crying for over 3 hours without a break. (Note to self: If another baby comes along buy ear plugs so you don’t have to hear the crying of the newborn while you walk him all over your home on your belly. Don’t get cheap ones either, get some really big and nice Bose headphones, and be sure to keep the Traitor in your sights at all times. Yes, I am extremely specific, but you need to be specific when that mom brain comes on.)
  8. That Mom brain is real. No, seriously, it IS real. You can only focus on making sure everything is right for your baby that you can’t remember if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean and you try to store your clothes in the pantry because it has shelves. Eh, stuff happens.
  9. That window blinds wouldn’t even be targeted by the dog, but would be by the baby. So long, intact window blinds. I knew thee well.

What are some things that you never thought you would do before becoming a mom?

13 Forbidden Things and 5 Revelations

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Here is a quick list of things that you are forbidden to do as a mom:

  1. Talk on the phone. Sure, you may be on the phone with the airline company about an upcoming trip, but who cares? Let everyone in the house try to talk to you when you can already barely hear the attendant on the phone. Then they look at you like, “What’s your problem?” Really? People wonder why I don’t talk on the phone very often.
  2. Have a clean house. As soon as you clean something it gets torn up. What is the purpose of this cleaning if it looks the exact same way by bedtime? I have yet to figure this out.
  3. Privacy bathing. Privacy? Yeah, right.
  4. Privacy on the swirly throne a.k.a. the toilet. This one could have its rewards. If the family just has to see you making poo poo, then they can smell how well it’s going. The door was locked for a reason.
  5. Quick and clean mealtimes. Since the baby likes to wave his hand in front of the spoon and spit out food, a hazmat suit may be required. Why do feedings have to be so difficult? Why can’t the baby just sit there and let you feed him and get it over with.
  6. T.V. time. Apparently watching your T.V. show in relative silence is a denied request. Just wait until everyone’s asleep if you want to watch T.V. without people interrupting you.
  7. Walk around your home without a kid attached to your leg. Eh, you learn to walk with them on you.
  8. Hang kitchen towels on the oven door. The baby/toddler will start to grab them off the oven door as soon as he is able to scoot across the floor.
  9. Wear house shoes. The toddler will be attracted to them. It is inevitable. Regular shoes are the same way.
  10. Sleep without waking up multiple times a night. I know you can’t get comfortable when you’re pregnant, but still try to sleep as much as you can. Once the baby or babies come into the picture, you will never have a completely restful night’s rest for a very long time…if ever.
  11. Intact window blinds. I miss intact window blinds. They are a thing of the past.
  12. Clean windows/mirrors. Tiny little hand prints will be all over windows your child can reach. There will also be nose prints from Daddy playing with the little one through the window. This especially happens right after you clean them.
  13. Clean clothes. I don’t care if you just washed your clothes and put them on – a stain will appear in T minus 2 minutes and 37 seconds.

Here are 5 thoughts on babies, pregnancy, and motherhood:

  1. Judging. Don’t judge another mother that walks around with food, formula, breast milk, and/or spit-up stains on her clothes. You will have these stains very soon, don’t worry. Oh, and half the time you won’t know how those stains were possible.
  2. Alone time. Alone time will be virtually non-existent once you have your baby. Take alone time when you can get it. Even though you don’t think not being alone will affect you, it will. Your mood will show it.
  3. Stress. Babies do bring lots of joy (hang in there, you’ll see), but stress is going to come with the territory. If you get to the point of having a breakdown over being a new mom, tell someone. Lay the baby in the crib and walk away. Go outside for a couple of minutes for a breather. Call a friend to see if she can watch the baby for an hour or two so you can collect yourself. It’s normal to get stressed out, but find a healthy way to relieve the stress.
  4. Jealousy. You hear of mothers just saying what perfect angels their children are and how everything in their life is so awesome with their newborn. Well, they’re lying. At least partly. Nothing is all unicorns and rainbows with a newborn. You are thankful for your little one and can’t imagine life without him, but you have awful moments, too. My husband has to remind me every so often that those mothers out there that say their babies don’t ever cry and are perfectly well-behaved are lying and are going through the same things that I am. Those mothers have their moments, too.
  5. Underappreciated. The life of a mom is underappreciated. Note: I didn’t say unappreciated. You do get thanks, but maybe not as often as you deserve. Don’t let it weigh you down and take it out on your husband. Husbands, bringing home flowers, or even just one flower, isn’t that difficult. It is appreciated more than you know.

What would you add to either of these lists?